Amazing Parenting tip in time for the Christmas Push
Someone once advised me that when my kids got the "I want's" that I should suggest they put it on a list.
At the time I thought, oh great, then I have to maintain "lists" of things that a two year old wants (since they can't write) but I was almost giddy when I tried it - and years later, still get giddy when it works - which is at least 98% of the time.
Here's the deal. Your little person says "MOM I want that!" 'that' being anything they see on t.v., in a store, in someone else's hand. You say "Put it on your list".
They may say "what list" or "what's my list" but they may not. If they do, you tell them it's 'the list of things they'd like to have' and from that glorious day forward when you hear "MOM I want that" you respond. "OK. put it on your list".
You think I'm crazy right? Or that my kids are somehow deviants? Well, The Pie, The Dervish and The Girl are completely different personalities - Ok, well Dervish and The Girl are very similar but both of them are miles apart from The Pie and this has worked for all three of them.
The looks I get in the toy aisles from other parents when they overhear this conversation is amusing because it does work so well. The Girl starts her demand with a loud excited cry and after she's been given permission to add the item to the 'list' she smiles and says "thanks mom". It's nuts. It shouldn't work, or at least it should only be temporary but The Dervish is 7 and it's been working for him for about 4 years - and not once have I been required to get paper and pencil and make the list physical.
The only downside that I've found is that I can't seem to convince them that they don't need my permission to add items to the list and it seems that I have to "see" the item being added but man, who cares? Give it a try and see if this parenting tip is as magical in your family.
Why this works - a theory.
I think this works because you are validating what they are saying/feeling/thinking. You aren't saying "no". (nor are you saying yes but avoiding "no" is a good thing) and they get to maintain hope that they might at some point have the thing they want.
More Parenting Tips for Intense Kids
Comments
Tue, 01.02.2011 15:28
In regards to the sentiment that teachers are in the lower 25% of college graduates, being an educator makes me a member [...]
Tue, 03.08.2010 08:59
Thank you, we're not alone! My daughter will be 5 soon and she's crying ALL THE TIME at school. The teachers are [...]
Thu, 29.04.2010 08:12
THANK YOU! My son is 5 and has been a pretty emotional child. My father-in-law passed away about a year and half ago and [...]
Thu, 11.03.2010 14:08
EVERYONE PLEASE LISTEN. Now that I have your attention. My 2nd grader is currently being bullied by his teacher. [...]
Wed, 17.02.2010 09:05
I know you posted this forever ago, but if you're still out there I would love to here how things turned out, if the [...]
Wed, 10.02.2010 18:47
if teachers were paid an appropriate salary for the level of education and effort required, you could get rid of these [...]
Wed, 16.12.2009 07:53
I have a 7 yr old step daughter that comes from a mother who has alot a mental health issues, tho my daughter seems to [...]
Tue, 27.10.2009 10:48
Child Behavior Modification is so tough. There are moments that yelling at them is not enough. Tantrums in toddlers [...]
Thu, 17.09.2009 16:26
I appreciate your sharing of this situation and applaud your directness with the principle that your goal is to remove [...]
Sat, 29.08.2009 17:03
Hi there, I am totally with you with the no spanking. I was telling my mum the other day about my 2.4yr old son hitting [...]
Mon, 06.04.2009 20:06
My seven year old son cries alot. I can completly relate with the parent. It is something you worry about when [...]
Tue, 24.02.2009 16:31
This is great stuff! My husband and I were wondering what was happenig to our son who just turned 7. He was very tough [...]
Sat, 03.01.2009 23:49
Thanks for the article, It was important to hear the part about not bottling up emotions otherwise later in life, that [...]
Wed, 24.12.2008 00:11
my two year old daughter cries all the time and i don't know what is wrong.she gets up at night and scamming and then [...]
Wed, 12.11.2008 21:10
I did this one time, my kids had slept over at a friend's house and were up 'til all hours and super crabby the next [...]