The PJ's and books meltdown

Yesterday the Dervish asked me if we could go to "PJ's and Books" tonight. I said maybe, it would depend on how I felt.

"but can we go?" is his response. "maybe" I repeat. "but I want to go" "I know and I said maybe. We're done talking about this now."

On the way to his 1/2 hour tutoring session he starts to tell me that his friend asked him to come over tomorrow and that I should call his mom. I asked him if his mom had asked him.... long silence... yes, she asked me and said you should call her. I said nothing for a moment and then he pitched in... well, I was just joking, I asked if I could go over and she said you should call her - how about we stop by her house and you can ask right now. I reminded him that it was rude to invite yourself to someones house and I wasn't sure that he should be going over on a school night.

As we were leaving the car to go into the tutors I asked him where his glasses were. He said he didn't know and that Dad was supposed to get them for him. I said dad is at work so you need to look for them when you get home. He responded "but I don't know where they are" (in a wailing kind of voice) I said yes, that's why you need to look for them... he repeated "but I don't know where they are". This went on too many times with each wail getting more persistant and more loud. I finally said to him, that's why we look for things because we don't know where they are.

Sometimes I forget and get pulled into these ridiculous arguments as if for some reason me repeating the same thing over and over again will suddenly sink in and he'll stop... I suppose he thinks the same thing, that I'm just not "getting" the big picture here.

Anyway, as it turns out, this morning the friends mom calls and says she did invite Dervish over and my husband tells her that's fine and calls the school to let them know he's going home with someone else.

So, he has a wonderful time at his friends, hamburgers and chips for dinner and lots of junk food. He flies in the door and says "Jammies and books". I said "did you have a good time?" he says let's go to the books thing. I said no, I don't think we'll go, I'm tired and I really don't think I feel like bundling up The Girl and heading over to the school.

He THROWS himself on the floor and wails "but you said!" I calmly remind him that I said maybe and that I'm sorry that he's dissapointed but we aren't going tonight. The wailing continues as he follows me around the house repeating over and over again "but I want to gooooooooo"

I tell him he can go up to his room and clean it which is of course met with more wails and more protests as my head starts to pound. Then, the downward spiral comes....

YOU LIED TO ME! I'M NEVER GOING TO GET TO GO TO PJ'S AND BOOKS FOR 60040THOUSAND YEARS! THERE'S NEVER GOING TO BE ANOTHER ONE! THIS HOUSE IS BORING! THERE'S NOTHING TO DO HERE! YOU LIED TO ME! MY FRIENDS WON'T LIKE ME ANYMORE! MY FRIENDS WILL HATE ME NOW! (all in the whine/wail) By this time I'm ignoring him which sometimes works but often doesn't. This time was a semi success (perhaps it's in the timing).

After a while he started to talk to me but the whine was still there so I asked him to take a breath and try again without the whine. After a couple of tries he had it and the storm passed.

At bedtime I thought since it had been a couple of hours I might be able to talk rationally to him about it. I said I was sorry that we didn't go to pj's and books but there would be other things, other times and that he'd had an afternoon at his friends house... but... the whine started again. I told him that there was no point in getting into a frenzy about it now, that it was over and it was time to start looking forward to other things and then I changed the subject.

sigh.

Parenting the intense child