Discipline

As I mentioned in my last post, I am against the use of corporal punishment. I do believe in, and have used, better and more effective methods of discipline.

Each and every time I've had this discussion with a pro spanking parent the conversation goes to "what about danger situations" I mentioned the running on the road situation but this applies to any circumstance in which your child puts himself in harms way.

There is nothing more terrifying than to see your child do something that puts his very life at risk so rather than attempt to teach him danger by hitting him, why not try a little real life fear and drama (you may need the drama if the situation is only potentially dangerous, like running out on a empty road)

When my Pie (the oldest - least intense child) was about 2 years old we were renovating our kitchen. He was busy with a screwdriver pushing it into the holes where the knobs on the cabinet doors had been.

I was working on a new counter top. I turned just in time to see him heading to the now exposed electrical outlet (the one that had been behind the fridge). Inches from the outlet I let out a scream and scooped him up in my arms.... but the 'show' didn't end there. I knew perfectly well that he was not hurt, he didn't get near enough with the screwdriver but I ACTED as if he could be hurt checking his fingers, hugging him ever couple of seconds, lots of telling him how scared I was, how he could have been hurt and back to checking his hands and fingers again. I spent quite a bit of time, maybe 5 or 10 minutes rotating through the motions of being a terrified mom - scared to death that my baby was hurt.

That's all it took. There is nothing more powerful than a parent's strong emotions to a young child. The Pie steered VERY clear of electrical outlets from that day forward and when he was about 4 years old he let me know that he wanted to plug something in but he was obviously nervous and wanted me to show him how. By that time he was old enough to understand the danger and the explination as to why it was dangerous an that electricity was something to be respected.

I used the same method with the other 2 kids when the need arose and never had an issue with either of them repeating dangerous behavior once they had been treated to the "mom is terrified" episode.

Back to Discipline

My parents did the best they could with what they had, what they knew and the resources available to them.

I like to think that if I were being raised now, some things would be different.

For example, I hope that the "wait 'till your father gets home" philosophy of scaring the pants off kids has been abandoned. In our home, I am the primary disciplinarian being the one that normally finds the error of their ways and 'gets' to correct their behavior.

Further to waiting for dad was the infernal waiting in our rooms until dad got around to dealing with us. I'm sure it was maybe 30 minutes or so but it felt like an eternity. I get now that the wait was likely the time it took for our dad to cool off in order to dole out the punishment calmly - for that I'm thankful.... and, all in all, the waiting was probably a good thing to some extent - it was certainly more productive than what happened when the wait was over.

Which brings me to corporal punishment.

When the wait was over and we heard the footsteps coming down the hall and our stomachs knotted one more time and the 747 jets bounced up against those knotted muscles we knew what was coming. There wasn't much talking - the spanking happened.

Thankfully I think most people have given up the practice - or at least I hope so.

Parents have come to realize that hitting your child, and don't kid yourself, calling it spanking, swatting, tanning, whacking or whatever other pet names people have for it - spanking is hitting - you know, a rose by any other name is still a rose. Call it what it is. It's hitting.

So - a kid in the playground hits another child - the spanking parent's response - hit the child and say very firmly " you will not hit " ya. That makes sense.

The other common justification for hitting a child is the danger situations. "He runs out on the road". Ya. I'm sure he does but here's a scene I witnessed first hand.

A parent with a young child, maybe 3, tells his child that if he runs on the parking lot he's going to get a spanking. A little while later the kid takes off out on to the parking lot, the parent yells, the kid turns his head to see the parent and continues to run while holding his hands over his behind.

I was lucky enough to get some great solutions to these common problems so that I was never tempted to use hitting as a way to discipline my children for these common issues. However, I'm not going to attempt to look perfect. I have hit my children (notice I said hit and not spanked) and to this day I feel bad about the handful of times I lowered myself to that level.

There are other, better ways to discipline and in this section I'm going to discuss positive discipline from redirection to positive reinforcement to natural and logical consequences.

I've found with my intense kids, a softer touch is often in order as they take things much more to heart than some other children.

Please feel free to leave a comment or question.

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