The Journey

Early on we discovered the remarkable memory of the Dervish.

Just after moving into our new home there were boxes belonging everywhere ... well, everywhere.  One such box was in the room that was assigned to Pie and Dervish however it didn't contain things that belonged to them but Dervish was rifling through the box and came across one of Dads die cast cars from his collection.

I explained it wasn't a toy and it was Dads and then I put it in another box in the middle of some towels and things, put the box back together and restacked the boxes and pretty much put it out of my head.

The next morning I went in to the boy's room and found the Dervish playing with the die cast car I'd gone to so much trouble to hide.  The boxes were moved around but only the box that held the car was opened and other than an obvious path through the towels, there was no disturbance to the box.  Perhaps Dervish has a future as a shell game professional?  If nothing else, perhaps a talent for future talent shows?

This remarkable memory has it's advantages I'm sure.  Perhaps it will help him in school?  It doesn't however help him to remember what he did with his glasses nor does it help his parents with any kind of slack.

Early in the week I mentioned, almost in passing, that I would be buying new shoes on the weekend for both boys.

An hour ago, Dervish burst in the door from school and announced "It's a PA day tomorrow!"  ... "uh huh" I respond... "well, that means it's the weekend tomorrow".  "I guess" I respond (thinking not for me, I have to work) "Well.." he asks "Are you getting my new shoes tomorrow?"

Not earth shattering but that's the kind of thing that goes on all the time with an intense child.  You say sometime around the middle of January that in the summer we'll go to the beach.  The first warm day comes along and he asks if it's summer.... pick your answer carefully, he's going somewhere with this you think.  "Well, it's a summer like day but it's not really summer yet".  He goes away... but after the next strech of nice warm days and you admit to him that yes, it's pretty much summer and the first thing out of his mouth is "you said when it was summer we'd go to the beach - let's go now".

It's always been my practice not to lie to my children, not to promise anything that you aren't sure you can follow through on, that kind of thing but as we all know, the best intentions sometimes foul up and when they do.... man!..... the intense child will make you pay! 

Look on the bright side.  A good memory is a positive thing.  Keep telling yourself that over and over!

Parenting the Intense Child

My organizational skills are somewhat lacking. I started this site in a hurry - hit with an idea during one of the Dervish moments and blasted off but anyone who is interested in this story might quickly loose interest because I've been all over the place with my entries so here is my family from the beginning... at least where the kids came in.

In 1994 after 7 years of waiting we got the news that we'd been chosen to adopt a child. "Pie" was born in October and all of our dreams had come true.

Pie was a very active child and at the age of 2 I was convinced he was "spirited". He wore me out. He crawled at 4 months, walked at 9 months and talked at a year.

In 1999 we were blessed with "Dervish". He was 8 months old when we met and brought him home. We knew his history, his birth mother had been a drug addict and he was born about 4 weeks early and tested positive for cocaine in his system but was not addicted. He was taken from his birth mother at birth and had been in foster care since then. He was developing normally and meeting his milestones on schedule.

Life was not easy at first. He screamed every night and seemed to need to do that. We tried everything, we tried rocking him to sleep, reading him to sleep, singing, co-sleeping and it didn't matter, he insisted on screaming himself to sleep for several months after we brought him home.

I couldn't blame him for being out of sorts. After all, he'd suddenly been uprooted from everything he'd ever known and brought to a new home with new people, new surroundings, new smells and new sights but as time went on I realized that this was more than that... well, maybe some of it was that but not all - Dervish was an intense child.

Before we get to the next part, I just have to say that the Dervish also seems to have a sixth sense about some things and it can be a little spooky sometimes.

In the summer of 2001, the Dervish suddenly became obsessed with babies. Every time I turned around he was talking about a baby.. he wanted one. I've never been one to be into gender appropriate toys or anything but we didn't have any dolls around so for Christmas, Dervish got a baby. The baby was a girl he said and her name was "flower chips". He carted flower chips around and slept with her every night.

In January we got a call from our social worker. Dervish had a sister and did we want to adopt her?

Enter "The Girl". The Girl was born in September 2001 and was 5.5 months old when we brought her home. She was also born with cocaine in her system and had been born 7 weeks premature but was meeting her milestones at an adjusted age and doing well. And it was obvious from the get go that she had exactly the same temperment as her brother.

So that's it, that is my family. Pie, The Dervish and The Girl.

My Roller Coaster Kid - Parenting an Intense Child