Parenting An Intense Child - Parenting Tips

Lets talk about Feelings

nospam@example.com (L.C.) — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 00:10:35 -0700

Talking about Feelings

It seems like a no brainer. You can look at your child having a major meltdown and it's not difficult to determine the feeling. Angry, Frustrated, Sad... all of them mixed in together maybe.

One thing that rarely occurs to people though is that if you help a child identify the feeling and give them words to use to express it, it's quite a gift - to both you and your child.

Recognizing and acknowledging a child's feelings can go a long way to improving communication and helping them steer away from unacceptable expressions of those feelings. When he can say "Mommy I'm feeling VERY ANGRY right now" (even with an angry voice and even a little foot stomp) it's a far cry from watching him pitch his toys all over the room.

I used to practice with my kids when they were very little. We went through happy faces and sad faces, angry faces and frustrated faces and then we did words and actions to use when they were having those feelings. Before long I would hear words instead of watching a block fly by my face.

There are a lot of good books on the topic too. I just recently found Foggy The Cloud - a DVD with 6 stories and 14 songs all about feelings

It looks like a great find, I'm going to put it on my list!

Parenting tip for Homework Blues

nospam@example.com (L.C.) — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 08:47:27 -0700

Homework Help

In the younger grades, a lot of homework is repetitive stuff. Dervish has no problem with writing out his spelling words a dozen times to learn the words and he does well with that. However, The Pie was a different story.

We're long past this but the other day a friend of mine was bemoaning the fact that her son HATES doing homework, he hates writing out the same word over and over again. She attempted to do it with him orally and that worked, he could spell the words orally but when it came to writing them down, he didn't have enough practice with the printing portion and his printing was illegible.

I suggested to her some of the things that worked with The Pie.

1. get a cookie sheet with flour or sugar or cornmeal and cover the bottom of the pan. Have him write his spelling words in the dry material with his finger.

2. Finger paints - same idea

3. chalk board - each of my kids has a wall painted in chalkboard paint and they use that for fun and for writing spelling words on it - not only do they get to practice the words this way but until they are replaced, they are a visual reminder of the words they are learning

I got an email from my friend the other day. She said her son was "happily" doing his spelling homework in a pan of flour.

Parenting tip of the day - make dull tasks fun - use your imagination, almost anything can be fun if you try.

Parenting Travel Tips

nospam@example.com (L.C.) — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 00:22:58 -0700

Car Travel Activities for Kids
By Laurel Smith

Time flies when youre having fun - The miles fly by too! You can make a long family car trip seem a lot shorter if you have fun with your kids along the way. Plan ahead with a few car activities, and making the journey can be as much fun as the destination. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

Make a Trip-Journal or Scrapbook
Give everyone a big spiral bound sketchpad and a box of crayons or markers. Each day of the trip or for each event along the way, draw a picture of what you did that day, or draw a map of where you went, and write about it. You can also paste in souvenirs.

Get a Good Songbook With All the Lyrics
It surprising how many songs you think you know, but you don't really know all the words. Have a singing marathon and learn the old classics by heart.

Give Your Kids an Allowance for the Day
Tell them that this money is for snacks, treats, souvenirs etc. Help them learn to budget their money and make good choices.

Let Your Children Have a Map
Give your kids their own copy of a map of where you are going. Show them how far you have come, how much further there is to go and let them mark it with a crayon. Every time someone asks "How much further? let them see for themselves. You might also like to get a compass and show them how it works along with the map.

Have Bubble Gum Blowing Contests
The weirder the gum the better. Get it at the rest areas and try all the different flavors.

The License Plate Game
Print a U.S. map off the computer and color in the states as you see license plates from each one. See if you can get all 50 states between Memorial Day and Labor Day. You might even record the time and date and the state where you saw it. This can be a family project as you build your "collection" of license plates together.

Cats Cradle or String Loops
You just need a piece of string for this one. See if you can make "Jacob's Ladder", "Kitty Whiskers", or play Cats Cradle!

Magnetic Board Games
Do your children know how to play classic board games like Chess, Backgammon, Checkers, or Chinese Checkers? What better time to learn than in the car to pass the time! The magnetic car versions of these games are nice because they are small and compact, and have easy ways to store the pieces so they don't get lost.

Counting Cows
Count the cows you see on your side of the car. If you pass a cemetery on your side of the car, you lose all your cows. The one with the most cows wins.

Read Out Loud
This passes the time quickly in the car for the reader and for the family members who are listening.

Lego Contest
Have a contest to see who can build the best item that relates to where you are going. Use a shoebox to store the Legos, or large zip lock bags.

Guess How Far Away That Is
Pick an object and have everyone guess how far away it is, then clock it on your odometer.

Play Favorites
Have everyone think of different "favorite" questions for the group. What's your favorite... movie, flavor of ice cream, song, game, toy, place to visit, restaurant, book, animal, fish, etc. Be creative and don't forget to ask the driver too!

Aluminum Art
Give everyone a sheet of aluminum foil. Have them mold it into anything they want: animal shapes, Frisbees, balls, jewelry, crowns, headband, necklaces and masks. Be creative. Its inexpensive fun and easy to clean up. Toddlers love this one too.

Remember that it's sometimes nice to sit in the back of the van with your kids while Dad is doing the driving and play some games right along side them. You might be surprised at how much fun you have too. Happy travels!

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Laurel Smith is a former schoolteacher and mother of three who has logged thousands of road trip miles both as a kid and a mom. Visit her website for more than 101 travel games and activities for kids at MomsMinivan.com

My Best All Time Parenting Tip

nospam@example.com (L.C.) — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 09:31:03 -0700

Amazing Parenting tip in time for the Christmas Push

Someone once advised me that when my kids got the "I want's" that I should suggest they put it on a list.

At the time I thought, oh great, then I have to maintain "lists" of things that a two year old wants (since they can't write) but I was almost giddy when I tried it - and years later, still get giddy when it works - which is at least 98% of the time.

Here's the deal. Your little person says "MOM I want that!" 'that' being anything they see on t.v., in a store, in someone else's hand. You say "Put it on your list".

They may say "what list" or "what's my list" but they may not. If they do, you tell them it's 'the list of things they'd like to have' and from that glorious day forward when you hear "MOM I want that" you respond. "OK. put it on your list".

You think I'm crazy right? Or that my kids are somehow deviants? Well, The Pie, The Dervish and The Girl are completely different personalities - Ok, well Dervish and The Girl are very similar but both of them are miles apart from The Pie and this has worked for all three of them.

The looks I get in the toy aisles from other parents when they overhear this conversation is amusing because it does work so well. The Girl starts her demand with a loud excited cry and after she's been given permission to add the item to the 'list' she smiles and says "thanks mom". It's nuts. It shouldn't work, or at least it should only be temporary but The Dervish is 7 and it's been working for him for about 4 years - and not once have I been required to get paper and pencil and make the list physical.

The only downside that I've found is that I can't seem to convince them that they don't need my permission to add items to the list and it seems that I have to "see" the item being added but man, who cares? Give it a try and see if this parenting tip is as magical in your family.

Why this works - a theory.

I think this works because you are validating what they are saying/feeling/thinking. You aren't saying "no". (nor are you saying yes but avoiding "no" is a good thing) and they get to maintain hope that they might at some point have the thing they want.

More Parenting Tips for Intense Kids

Parenting Tip - Get your kids to bed early

nospam@example.com (L.C.) — Mon, 11 Sep 2006 22:52:11 -0700

I was at my son's soccer game the other night and was talking to a few parents about the back to school rush and chaos.

One mother gloated that her kids had been in bed and ASLEEP at 8pm the night before school started.

All ears, I waited to hear how she had managed such a feat.

She has a little trick I'd like to share with you because I thought it was a great idea for those occasional nights that you know your child needs a little extra shut eye.

On those nights, she sets her clock forward an hour late in the afternoon.

Bed time comes an hour earlier, the kids are already tired so they don't realize it's an hour early.

Sure, it's downright dishonest but if you've ever tried to convince a 7 year old to go to bed an hour early, you know that no matter how tired they are, it just isn't going to fly.

I'll be trying this the next time the need arises.

Baby Monitors - not just for babies

nospam@example.com (L.C.) — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 20:24:48 -0700

I just couldn't resist posting about this baby products site!

I have a friend who's having a baby any day now and I wanted to find a really great and useful gift for her so I started browsing for baby products. Man - after my 2 intense kids I wasn't thinking about any more but some of these things are AWESOME! I guess that's not a good enough reason to have a baby is it?

Anyway I was particularly impressed by the baby monitors! Did you know there is even a monitor that phones you when your baby is crying and that you can phone to listen in on the baby... sounds like it can kind of be used as a 'nanny cam' or something!

I can even think of reasons to buy one now - even when my kids are 3, 7 and 11!

Actually, I did use a baby monitor for a long time after the need for one had passed and it's a pretty good parenting tip I think.

Think of the times that you're out working in the garden or just busy doing something in another part of the house. Or, if you have a couple of young kids you might find yourself with an instigator type - you know the one that comes up with the really cool ideas and talks the other one into participating or implementing.

Dervish talked The Girl into redecorating the walls a few weeks ago - with a permanent marker! Perhaps if I was still using the baby monitor I could have prevented the hours of work that lay ahead in fixing the wall.

So if you have young active energetic kids that are prone to finding "fun trouble", consider using a baby monitor to keep an ear on them when you aren't in the same room. Anything that reduces stress is a good thing!

Time to go shopping!