Parenting An Intense Child Comments

L.C: How many sleeps until Christmas

nospam@example.com (L.C) — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 08:11:39 -0700

Interesting Glitch! When I looked after reading your comment it was fine except it was off 1 day because I had set the target date to December 25 at 12:01 AM. So I think I've fixed that but I wonder what different time zones do to it (I'm in EDT)

Thanks for pointing it out though. 21 Sleeps until Christmas!

L.C.

Anonymous: How many sleeps until Christmas

nospam@example.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:31:08 -0700

4776 days.. 11 hours.. hmm.. seems to have failed, lol. 22 sleeps!

elona: Stressed Out Mom and 8 Year Old Battle Homework

nospam@example.com (elona) — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 19:36:53 -0700

I just want to say here that the advice you have given for getting homework done is great. I'm a high school special education teacher and find that doing homework for some kids still is a problem in high school. The advice you have given here will go a long way to set up good homework work habits.

eharrigan: Tears and Tantrums

nospam@example.com (eharrigan) — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 21:04:42 -0700

I feel so much relief knowing there are others out there experiencing the same thing. Do your children cry and scream for extended periods (8-15 min.) in school? My 7 year old son has these outbursts in school for any thing that we would consider to be a small disappointment or if he has to apply himself with effort in school. What do you do? How do you help the teachers manage this? We've been dealing with this since he was born and I'm at a loss as to how to help him!

JW: Tears and Tantrums

nospam@example.com (JW) — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 21:10:25 -0700

Thank you for this... we are trying to understand why our 4 year old is so emotional.. ask her a simple thing or question and she burst out crying... Her school has even called and noticed the same thing. she is a very happy child.

L.C: Tears and Tantrums

nospam@example.com (L.C) — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 10:26:38 -0700

Thank you for your comments. It makes me feel great to know that I was helpful.

Lisa

AJ: Tears and Tantrums

nospam@example.com (AJ) — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 14:31:24 -0700

THANK YOU,THANK YOU,THANK YOU!! I felt sooo alone, but after googling, I found your site, and I feel better knowing that my 6 year old isn't the only one. What you just talked about describes my son soooo well. Thank you for this site....AJ

L.C.: Grade 3 Stressing Over Homework

nospam@example.com (L.C.) — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 09:21:47 -0700

Thanks for your comments Marion. I personally have been down that road and followed Solter's advice and stayed with and held Dervish while he released his emotions. I'm not convinced that this is the solution for every child which is why I recommend the book rather than to go into the specifics of these techniques.

I agree that trying to "calm them down" in a way such as making a joke or tickling or distraction only puts off the inevitable and strongly discourage these kind of tactics.

In my many MANY discussions on this subject with other parents, some who could write the next "Tears and Tantrums" book on their own based on the knowledge they've obtained both through reading and speaking directly with Solter, The whole philosophy borders on what most parents consider to be "radical" and for the purpose of this blog and my parenting suggestions I am attempting to lean on the more moderate side of "radical"

So for balance, I recommend the books, outline the basics of the philosophy but also have mentioned my reservations.

I personally prefer a much more middle ground approach in which tears and tantrums are accepted as emotional releases and are not something that is "bad" but should be encouraged and supported. On the other hand, today's society is not so nearly accepting of this kind of thinking and like it or not, this is the world we live in.

So, while at home, we do our best to be accepting and supportive of tears and tantrums as emotional release, we also encourage problem solving, self calming and other forms of release and coping techniques.

I guess it's time to write about tantrums and stress releasing tears!

L.C.

Marion: Grade 3 Stressing Over Homework

nospam@example.com (Marion) — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 07:26:23 -0700

In addition to reading Aletha Solter's work (www.awareparenting.com), which has already been mentioned here, I also recommend Patty Wipfler's (www.handinhand.org) Both talk about why children cry and tantrum (to release tension and stress), and how to help them when they are having reactions which seem bigger than the situation demands (staying present with them whilst they express how they can't do it, for example). Trying to calm them down or rationaslise postpones the crying or tantrum for another time and leaves them feeling tense and stuck. instead supporting the big cry, with them telling you what they can't do, or why they hate what you're telling them, or whatever - leads to a calm, relaxed child who melts into a hug and wants to connect with you and cooperate too.

L.C.: Parenting Question - 9 Year Old Does not Like Correction

nospam@example.com (L.C.) — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 21:57:09 -0700

Hi Bekah, I've answered your question - click on *homepage*

Bekah: Parenting Question - 9 Year Old Does not Like Correction

nospam@example.com (Bekah) — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 09:22:31 -0700

My son had his first homework assignment of third grade yesterday. Before we even got home he was crying in the car about how hard it was going to be to copy his spelling words three times. I would equate it to the anxiety I feel going to the dentist for a root canal. He was actually crying over homework that he hadn't even started yet.
We got started on the homework and he insisted he needed help. I explained that the only 'help' he could get was to have someone else write the words out and that was not allowed. When he came down to his last word he had to copy three times he spelled it wrong so I corrected him and told him that "Glance is spelled G-A, not G-E" and he went on and on about how he KNEW it was with an E not an A. He started crying and screaming for us to LEAVE HIM ALONE after having begged us to help him. I finally put him in time out so he could calm down and I finished cooking dinner while he calmed down. Right before I set the table I had him come finish his work and he did, with no fight or argument or anything. His emotional outbursts can be about anything, not just homework. It seems like he will argue a point till he is blue in the face rather than admit that he is wrong. I don't know how to get him over this. It's exactly how my little brother used to be (still is) and I don't want my son to be anything like my little brother who to this day (at age 29) is still a great source of heartache and stress for my mother. I wish there was an EASY button I could push. I feel so bad for him when he has these emotional outbursts, but I feel like there is little to nothing I can do. I tell him everyday how smart he is and how proud of him I am, but it's never enough. On top of all of that yesterday I already had the biggest headache from work and I felt like giving up, giving in, just letting him do what he wants. I can't do this every time he has homework, I just can'd.

He has an hour after he gets home before he starts homework and he also has a snack. I didn't do that on purpose for that reason, it just happened that way. We make games out of his homework so it's 'fun' to do, but even that can backfire at the dro pof a hat. I don't know what else I can do to help homework time go smoother..... do you have any suggestions?

Rebekah

: The Teacher is a Bully

nospam@example.com () — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 09:56:34 -0700

Thank you for posting this detailed and well-written letter. I am a parent of a high-school student. Both of us have been victimized by a teacher who is a bully. So I am extremely interested in learning how your situation has changed over the past few months. Can you offer any further advice for other people in similar situations?

Thank you - I look forward to hearing from you again.

me: The Forgotten Child

nospam@example.com (me) — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 19:22:52 -0700

no problem. Just be careful with the carbs thing. There is a such thing as GOOD carbs, that give your body much needed energy and are burned very efficiently. These carbs are found in whole vegetables, beans, legumes, nuts, whole fruits, seeds, and whole grains. You can read more about "good carbs" here: www.goodcarbs.org

L.C.: The Forgotten Child

nospam@example.com (L.C.) — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 14:10:25 -0700

Thank you for your insight.

He's big on carbs but we don't have white bread or rice, whole wheat is our thing but I realize that's just better, not best.

I am going to try your suggestions about sugar and the vitamin B's and carbs.

I appreciate that you took the time to share your experience. Thanks.

The Pie's Mom

me: The Forgotten Child

nospam@example.com (me) — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 08:32:47 -0700

You mentioned alternative treatments. I am 23 and have ADHD. I have never been on medication. The first and most important change you can make is in his diet. Take out caffeine, take out excessive sugar, and watch the carbohydrates you are giving him. Way too many starches, like the kind that are found in fried foods, white bread, and pasta, give you the same sort of "empty energy" that caffeine does. It helps in the immediate time span after you eat it, but in the end, it drags you down.

The other thing that I have found that helps is taking a B-complex vitamin supplement. Vitamin B is a great concentration boost, and it has really given me a great pick-me-up and helped me focus a lot better.

Some people also say that for some kids with ADHD, taking out red dyes and reducing dairy consumption helps, but I'm a dairy addict, so I haven't tried these things personally.

Note that none of these things are cures, and I'm not a doctor. They are just things that have made coping with ADHD easier for me.